Lisa Temple Actress Your Senator, Doctor, Teacher, Mom

Do I Really Have To Do This?

Getting older really sucks! And if you let it, you can become obsessed with doubt and fear. I’m so not ready for this!! Aaarrgghh. I mean, come on, back when our parents turned 50, they didn’t have to do colonoscopies and they were fine. So my chances are good, right? Can’t you just leave me alone Mr. Common Sense? Can’t I just take the risk Ms. Logic? Oh, how I wish I could.

On the one hand, I’d almost rather live my life every day as best I can, and not worry about my health until something shows up. But let’s be realistic. I’m not comfortable with that notion, because on the other hand, no one in their right mind would put this off, unless they want to roll the dice and maybe one day hear the painful words, “I told you so.” I would rather do this now, than have to face some unknown and possibly life-threatening alternative. Bam.

Of course, a cynic would say that the medical industry sees big $$ signs for these countless colonoscopies. Doctors now seem overly bent on pushing preventative care through fear-based recommendations, and there is huge pressure to follow their guidelines. Truth is, no one can deny that these procedures often prove extremely valuable, and can save your life. Damn Common Sense. Damn Logic.

The worst dilemma I have with this whole experience is my White Coat Anxiety. I’ve never liked going to the doctor (who does?). But ever since the Big M began, when emotions are more intense, I especially fear going to the doctor’s office. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience where I see myself bolting from the room screaming. It’s completely debilitating, embarrassing and tremendously disappointing. Why do I get so nervous when I have a doctor’s appointment? Why does it grip me so? I suppose it’s getting older and the age-old fear of death that impacts us all. Your parents are all gone now, and the time goes much too quickly for comfort.

I just keep repeating the mantra that I’m going to be fine… everything’s going to be okay. Keep breathing and take this process one step at a time, one day at a time, and in the not-to-distant future, this will all be behind me. Pun intended.